New Legislation Proposes Taxing Common Sense
A new law may require “users” of common sense to pay for the privilege. Soon to be introduced by Speaker Pelosi, the legislation is seen as a way to make Americans “more equal”. “Most people in this country don’t have access to the luxury of common sense and America desperately needs legislation that will make thinking more equal,” said Pelosi adding, ” The number of irrational Americans has been increasing steadily for some time so this is simply a response to the need for the fairness that uniformly legislated stupidity represents. Besides, most Americans know what an obstacle to popularity actual thinking can be.” Portions of the bill that call for gradual increases in levels of ignorance and the inclusion of a “single opinion option” have become focal points for the opposition. “It’s one thing to stipulate a basic level of stupid, but this bill risks drowning the nation in a sea of catatonic drool,” said one source who, preferring to remain unnamed, went on, “This country has never ever denied any citizen access to stupid. In fact, we already supply 22% of the world’s gross domestic stupid and we’re only 4.5% of the world’s population. If the numbers aren’t enough, then the fact that this country elected the current administration should be more than adequate proof.” Opponents of Pelosi’s proposal have vowed to cite as many examples as necessary to support their argument that a current abundance of stupid renders the bill itself stupid. A short list of qualified examples under consideration, released yesterday, included Facebook, US immigration policy, John Edwards, William (Mr.TNT) Ayers, Rielle Hunter, Anita Dunn’s relationship with Mao, American Idol, MSNBC, ‘too big to fail’, health care legislation, ‘our policies support economic recovery’, climate change, Al (The Bishop of Brawley) Sharpton, the wit of Joe Biden, twitter, use of Eric Holder and ‘legal scholar’ in the same sentence, Saul Alinsky, using the words ‘social’ or ‘economic’ to modify ‘justice’, Charlie Christ, current US foreign policy, green jobs, “progressive activism”, Air America, Jeff Zucker, GE, carbon credits, comedians winning Senate seats, Keith (the mad hyena) Olbermann, code pink, PETA, people who still listen to Bill Clinton, ‘commitment to sanctions’, comparisons of Arizona law to Nazi era Germany, Keith Olberman, books ‘written’ by Barack Obama, court-martialling Navy Seals, and naming a military vessel after the late John Murtha. Another opponent said, “This country is chock full of borderline hysterics who can’t think straight as it is. The government, at least, should know the feasible difference between stupid and ugly. We need to reduce spending and stop heaping more taxes on hard working Americans, whether they choose to exercise common sense or not.”
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